sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
someone owes me an orgasm
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Found your dick twin last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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