Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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