She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
