I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
