So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
