Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
