exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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