You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
