It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize