I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
