it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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