omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize