I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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