his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shame is for Republicans.
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