i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
