ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
