I hate your face
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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