Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
