I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
