I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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