i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
