Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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