Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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