This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
