I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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