fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
