On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
