i think my tv is drunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
