I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
