it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
