I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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