This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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