If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
