Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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