you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
