There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
