How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
