Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
