I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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