You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
