I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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