New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
