someone threw a dead crab at me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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