whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
