It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need a beard to bite.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
