ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
