end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
