1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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