so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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