cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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