bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
