Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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