ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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