Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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