if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
