I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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