This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
