I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
