i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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