Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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