Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
