hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
