wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
