It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
